To You from Me, Pinkie Lee

Alright, it's got to come out or I'm going to burst. The filter is off and I'm mad as Hell..So, here it goes. Over the past year or so, my life has stopped sucking in a way that it did for a very long time. Some of it is purely because I grew up and started realizing what was and was not important enough to get riled up over. A lot of it is because I learned along the way that I did not have the answer to it all and that is o.k. A little bit of it was restraining myself from making terrible decisions. Even more still came from being "once bitten and twice shy"in my old age. A good deal of it is because I created a safe distance and a feeling of apathy for people that caused me trouble and whole heck of a lot it came when my husband and I decided to do all of these things together on a common ground; because we realized at some point that knowing each other's best and worst can either "make or break" you and we both feel that we had rather be made. My point in all of this is an apology. I am SO SORRY that it is pissing some people off so badly that we are not who we used to be. I apologize profusely for the fact that you cannot get behind the idea that we, as individuals, a couple and as members of what is left of our family,are trying to move forward. I feel terrible that you can't wrap your heads around concentrating on today rather than yesterday. I feel sure that if you just tried to be supportive, and damn..even a little happy for us it would be fan-fucking-tastic for everyone concerned. I'm starting to realize that the reason that some people never change is because those around them won't let them pass the never-ending test. While it is mostly the young and idealistic that are the score keepers of our past transgressions; insisting on reciting a distorted play by play to suit their own agendas,at will,and without provocation...There are still of few of you that have been around the block enough yourselves to know that every trip hasn't been a glorious or honorable one so you need to lay off the hater-ade..Seriously. But today I'm just gonna concentrate on setting you children straight. I call you that because that is what you are. You will be so until you have lived long enough to REALLY screw something up so badly that you cannot take it back and it becomes a part of the invisible name tag that you wear every day of the rest of your life. It must be fucking glorious to live life through your young eyeballs (protected by corrective vision devices that you did not have to worry about how to pay for.) To have everything still be in neat little black and white boxes and the whole world to be so clear. God, how I envy your ability to just say that you are going to do things and TRULY believe that is just how it will turn out. Listen to me, you insufferably entitled little shits, NOTHING turns out exactly as planned. Sometimes this is the best thing in the world, sometimes it's a disaster and you have to start over. I don't care if you're painting the kitchen, planning your career, marrying the person you love or deciding where to eat for lunch -- there will be some, uncontrollable (or hell, even completely controllable but still somehow unruly) aspect of this venture,no matter how large or small, that will be just a little different than you imagined. And every now and then, the whole thing will blow up in your face and the only thing left that you can afford is a bologna sandwich and you call it a day. That, Dear Child, is life. It ain't a game, it ain't a cereal, it ain't a cleverly written period movie starring two black comedians. It is being left with nothing some days and more than you can stand on others; and no matter what kind of day you happen to be having, SOMEBODY is going to be standing around, all judgmental like, telling you how you did it all wrong and they could have done it SO much better. Well, guess what, They are full of shit and six months from now, they'll be eating bologna too. To be truly grown up, as you are in such a damn hurry to be, what you need to learn is forgiveness,tolerance,empathy, humility, perseverance and most of all, that 99% of streets in the world go BOTH ways. You want someone to be there for you? Be there for them. You want someone to respect you? Respect them. You want someone to help you? Help them, damn it and stop acting like the world owes you a huge favor for overcoming your awkward period. Life is going to be especially difficult for you if you don't grasp that part, quick-like and in a hurry. You are going to need the people that you are pushing away. I just hope we're here when you figure it out.