notes to myself

Because talking to myself only entices strange looks and head shaking but I still feel sometimes like no one's listening so I have to get it out somehow.

1. Hoarding candy that I am not supposed to be eating just makes a mess. I stuff it in my purse , or drawer , or jacket pocket and forget about it. The forgetting is good , it can't make me fat unless I eat it but the sticky,brown after effects on my purse and nightstand drawer contents or my hands after I've shoved 'em in my pockets real good just serves to irritate me further because it always seems to be these exact moments that are the most stressful and filled with sugary thoughts.

2. Social networking is making it harder and harder not to have to look at people that make me want to vomit.This cruel game of Six Degrees of Separation that is the "friends list" is maddening.(so, side note to myself..get new friends.)

3. Try to be understanding and realize that perhaps the children are having an allergic reaction to a clean environment so they are only trying to defend their health by trashing the entire joint before I sit down good.

4. I AM old enough for people to say things like " When you were my age did you.." and " Wow..They were old , like older than you..." But it does not mean that I can't paint my toes in sparkly polish. I just have to accept the fact that they look like fat little disco balls.*SIGH*

5.Bill Collectors are evil spawns of the seventh layer of Hell. There is a reason that you NEVER see an ad for a company seeking bill collecting agents. They are bred from pods in the Matrix and trained thoroughly in their wiley ways. Like, sending a bill saying that you owe money and to go online and pay the money but when you do, they say that the money will be directly drafted , but it hasn't been so you don't know if you should pay it anyway, but you don't want to pay twice..Sooooo..if I don't and they don't , then you'll have no insurance, But If I do and They do , then I'll have paid twice for no-AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!

6.There are all sorts of relationship dynamics and different strokes rule the World, but it is perfectly okay for me to fantasize about castrating my husband if he pulled some of the pranks that the spouse's of my friends and family do.

And finally ( for today anyway..)

7. I shouldn't be offended that everyone I know thinks of me first when they have a question about anything unorthodox,risque, or drug or alcohol related. This is not necessarily a reflection on my lifestyle but on my body of knowledge..Right guys?
My sister( who's been granted her first appearance in this blog so she needs a name. let's call her Aunt Fannie, cuz that's what the kid's call her)rented a movie that boggled her brain so ( and fit into all of the affore-mentioned categories ) So, she calls me begging me to watch and then translate the art that is the independent film and educate her on all that is underground and weird. After three hours of feeling like my brain had been raped she looks at me with wide eyes and says ..."Well?"
I'm still working on that one. I can't decide if it's because I am losing my zest being a stay at home mom or if it was just garbage. So, for my sake, we're gonna go with the second one.