I'm not sure how many of you are old enough to remember the movie "Single White Female" so I apologize if the reference is lost, but that's what IMDB is for..
I have met a few wanna-be Hedy Carlson's in my time,you know,the kind of girl that you think just wants to be your friend but then you notice that she takes a little more pleasure than she should by following you into a public bathroom and you catch her sniffing your hair, a lot. This is a little different. Either I have finally crossed the line into delusional paranoia, I'm being seriously punk'd by someone with a morbid sense of humor OR I have a real life sociopath trying to gain at least partial access to my life. God only knows why anyone would want it, I have a very full and stressful plate. I also have a boatload of people that at least pretend to like me and for that, I consider myself very lucky. I am aware that not everyone can say this and that most people consider themselves fortunate to have one confidant to lean on during their adulthood and that it may seem as though I am jubilantly followed by a mass of adoring fans hanging onto my every quip ( Thanks again, Facebook..) These are not my words,they were thrown at me during a tete a tete with the Lug-Nut who was at the time, quite miffed at me. You see, Lug-Nut struggles with trusting people and for that he (thinks that he) doesn't have many friends. I would be willing to bet that a helluva lot of people consider him a friend of theirs, he just won't pick up the phone when they call so they can tell him so. The Lug-Nut is far more likeable of a person than I , I just happen to be a conversationalist by nature. So while it seems as though I have many people that I converse and wax intellectual with on a daily basis, in truth their are (very) few people in the world that I am sure of my place with.
So, I guess if my own Lug-Nut can make this assumption and harbor a little resentment toward me because of it (at least in a moment of vulnerability) it stands to reason that someone that I am on an acquaintenance-only level with would gather the same assumptions about my social status.
And now the crowd says , Ms. A, what-in-the-hoovie-doovies is you talkin' about?
( I don't know why you guys sound like that in my head, but you do...)
Ok, so back to the movie - In it Hedy Carlson answers an ad for Allie Jones's need for a roommate. While everything starts out well, in the end, Hedy turns into a psycho that dresses in, acts, eats, and sleeps with everything Allie loves, essentially taking over her entire life. I make the reference because the person of interest in this blog, let's call her "Little Miss S" (because I am in an Edie Brickell kind of mood today),is slowly but surely taking over my circle of friends.
I have been very quiet about this until now, almost clinical in my observation of her passive-aggressive actions in an effort to better understand her but I have to admit that now I'm just starting to get hocked off about it.
I invited her into my home and to every get-together I have had recently, introduced her to The Crazies that make my life interesting and then just kind of assumed that she would continue to let me play dodgeball in my own goddamn yard. But after a few weeks, I noticed that my own involvement in planned activites with MY friends, people that she knew very little, or nothing at all bout, became minimal. I was being told later on that Little Ms. S had asked them to go here, there and yonder with her and it was like there was not even a second thought that I would've appreciated an invitation.
As I said earlier, I have an extremely full plate and very little free time. If it weren't for a temporary lag in my schedule this month, this blog would still be getting ignored. So, I admit that in the past,I have not accepted every invitation I've been given, but damn..I at least appreciated the forethought to ask me. I have also not ever been one to believe that my friends were only allowed to do things with me, that's juvenile, but there comes a point when you have to start wondering if you are repeatedly being left out and juvenile or not, it isn't a pleasant feeling.
I have expressed these feelings to a couple of confidants that I AM sure of my place with, and they each offered some insight into the situation but I gotta tell you, it doesn't creep me out any less. The Lug-Nut says that Little Ms. S's insecurities are at work here, and that since she has no close friends of her own, she is drawing off of The Crazies and finding a haven with them, feeling like she can display her vulnerabilities that she fears I will analyze, dissect and write a speech about. ( The Lug-Nut assumes that everyone thinks I am as scary as he does.) I do have a tendency to intimidate people who think I have my shit together, but I promise, this is just a defense mechanism of my own. Ms. A's got her own demons, she just don't go around cryin' about them.
My friend, The Odd Duck, says that she is living vicariously through my friends in an effort to get to know me better, because I have a propensity for keeping people at arm's length even when I associate with them daily.( another one of those defense mechanisms..) And that Little Ms. S is infatuated with me and thinks that by crawling into my world she will either a.find more reason to hate me or b.find more reason to love me.
ICK...
Ok, so I was willing to blow that second theory off because, quite frankly, it made my skin crawl but when this "let's make life-long, bosom- buddy friends with everyone Ms. A has ever associated with" went from my closer family and friends to random people I went to school or bar-hopped with in the past, it made me pull it back under the microscope.
They say you can learn a lot by the company you keep, but when someone else takes all of your company an leaves you in exile, what does that say?
In a few weeks, I will be able to give this entire thing an honest to goodness test run because I was actually included, along with everyone I've ever come into contact with, in an invitation to a soiree held in her honor. It will be very interesting to see how this plays out.
What shall I wear?
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